Introduction: Mapping My Path
I would like to take some time to map out my path to knowledge and the lessons I learned that I believe led me to where I am today, front and center on my aligned path. I will share a few brief notes that might help understand the transitions.
Early Aspirations in Healthcare
I grew up in healthcare. My mother was a nurse, and we used to read her medical books, go to work with her, and volunteer at the nursing homes she worked in. I believed I was going to be a trauma nurse who flies in medevac to save people who otherwise may not make it. I have always felt a strong desire to help people, specifically those who need immediate assistance to preserve their lives.
A Radical Shift: Joining the Army
Fast forward to record-breaking burnout in healthcare at the age of 21, I radically joined the army and left my two-year-old son behind. I thought I was going to be a hero, a figure my son could be proud of—someone with a life full of meaning. I wanted to escape the people, places, and things that had caused me heartbreak and hurt. I felt a calling to save the un-helpable, and after realizing healthcare wasn’t the right fit, I believed that flying into combat to airlift my fellow soldiers was the best option. However, my military career did not go as hoped.
Unforeseen Challenges
I didn’t know it then, but everything makes so much sense now: I have an undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, explaining many of the injuries I sustained during my time in the military, which effectively ruined my hopes of becoming a pilot. The culture in the military was also way off. I was compounding trauma onto pre-existing issues. I ran from my pain, but it didn’t work.
Finding My Way Back to Healthcare
Despite the difficulties, I learned a lot during my time in the military. A year and a half after I joined, I realized that I missed healthcare; I was burnt out at a specific job, not the entire field. However, as an active duty member, I couldn’t attend nursing school due to the lack of online classes at the time. So, I took classes I thought would benefit my future nursing career, focusing on mental health.
Shifting Focus: Education and Family
After a series of challenges, including a deployment and a fraudulent college shutting down, I moved to North Carolina in 2017. I enrolled in an associate’s program in general education to prepare for nursing school. During this time, I also began using herbs to regulate my cycle and focus on personal growth. My grandmother’s strong Native American beliefs and traditions shaped my respect for nature and the healing properties of plants. I have fond memories of learning about herbs and nature’s gifts from her, which laid the foundation for my deep-rooted beliefs.
Embracing Motherhood and Healing
After completing my associate’s degree, I became a mother again. My daughter, born in 2018, became the catalyst for my healing journey, resurfacing old traumas and physical health issues. I struggled with postpartum depression, leading to body image issues, a decision for plastic surgery, and a brutal recovery. I faced severe gastrointestinal issues, fatigue, and pain that compounded my mental state. I thought that achieving a new figure would lead to happiness, but I still felt unfeminine and unattractive. I realized that pursuing nursing might not be the best fit for me, as I wanted to be present for my children.
A New Direction in Healthcare
I decided to explore a different route in healthcare and pursued becoming an ultrasound technician. This role would allow me to help people without the physical demands of nursing. I chose to specialize in cardiac sonography, studying the heart, but faced challenges in finding a clinical site due to moves and the pandemic. After relocating to Virginia, I switched gears once more and enrolled in a diploma program in herbal studies, seeking to connect with my ancestry and learn more about healing. I hoped to find herbs to assist in my healing journey, but this path was not without its struggles.
Breaking Through: Ketamine Therapy
After a series of ups and downs, including a nervous breakdown, I sought ketamine therapy. This experience became transformative; I woke up to understand myself, my family, life, trauma, and health issues in a profound way. Insights flowed in, and I began to make sense of the complexities of my journey.
Conclusion: Continuing the Journey
As I reflect on my decade of transformative growth, I recognize that each experience, from my childhood in healthcare to my military service and subsequent paths in education and healing, has shaped me into who I am today. The journey continues, and I am committed to exploring and sharing the lessons learned along the way.
Random Downloads and Revelations
Random downloads, as I like to call them, just kept happening. For example, one night, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, I had a sudden realization: “I am a light.” At first, I didn’t understand what that meant. Then, almost immediately, another thought came rushing in: “We are all energy, we are all connected. One source, one energy, one light. Energy cannot be destroyed, only transferred.” This idea of energy being pulled through time and space by electromagnetism, completing circuits and combining with like energy—essentially, the same wavelength—flooded my mind. I remembered something from my physics class and ran to do some research, which led me to the Planck-Einstein theory. Thus began my rabbit hole into the realms of energy, frequencies, light, and the law of attraction.
The Quest for Spiritual Understanding
Since my falling out with Christianity at 17, I had struggled with belief. I identified as agnostic for many years, but over time, I realized the importance of believing in something. Spiritual health became a crucial pillar of my life. I started exploring Buddhism, which resonated with me and felt comprehensible. This interest blossomed into a wide array of subjects that I would dive deep into, reading everything I could manage before moving on to the next topic. I explored Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Hinduism, Christianity, Paganism, Reiki, Omnism, metaphysics, astrology, human design, spirituality, biopsychology, cognitive neuropsychology, connective tissue disorders, and much more. Each subject added layers to my understanding of health, trauma, and healing.
Finding My Purpose
I never thought I would feel complete or find my path—my purpose. While I may never understand the specific reasons behind each traumatic experience, I now recognize that every dark moment has contributed to my understanding of my existence. I’ve learned that through all the darkness, I will remain a light. This newfound awareness of how my behaviors, thoughts, patterns, and habits shape my reality is empowering. Though I have faced significant pain and sadness in my almost 32 years, each experience grants me insight into others who have faced similar struggles. It allows me to connect deeply with people, to understand their physical and emotional pain, and to support them through their hardships. I aim to be a beacon of light, creating a safe space for others to share and heal.
Embracing Growth and Authenticity
Unlike a plant, our roots are not fixed in the soil. When conditions—whether they be environmental, dietary, or social—limit our growth and inhibit our path toward purpose, it’s vital to step beyond our comfort zones and make necessary changes. Embracing our authentic selves, free from fear, grief, anger, loneliness, rejection, self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-sabotage, is both a beautiful and challenging journey. I want to emphasize that you don’t have to navigate this path alone. I created Living Lotus Holistics to foster connection and community. It’s a support system, a resource of knowledge for those who need it. I’ve come to understand that what is meant to be will be, and it’s not my responsibility to save others just because I had no one to save me.
A Commitment to Healing
However, I can and will help anyone who seeks to break free from limiting beliefs, challenge their inner critic, regain control of their life, and initiate positive changes. Through a variety of disciplines, including herbal remedies, garden therapy, reiki, individualized nutrition, Ayurvedic assessments, intuitive eating, mindful movement, sound therapy, and somatic experiencing, I aim to empower others to live the lives they desire. As I continue this journey, I remain committed to being a source of light and support for those navigating their own paths to healing and wholeness. Together, we can cultivate resilience, understanding, and authenticity in our lives. I hope you’ll join me on this journey.